Cultivating a Feeling Deliberately.
If I
can’t generate a feeling from inside, I will keep looking at others to give me
that, fill me with that, make me ‘complete’ with that feeling which I am
searching for. This could be search for dependency (‘only if she could hear me
out or help me out…’), or search for a company, ( ‘I don’t like being alone so let me
grab on to…’) ‘etc. This keeps my senses hooked outside. I would search that in
people(s), things, situations, substances, addictions.
Never a
moment of rest!
The
thing is, I can generate a feeling from inside, by invoking the memory of it,
this could be of aliveness, contentment, happiness or any other feeling that I
have experienced before. If I don’t have
any memory to recall, then I can practice it by taking conscious actions. In
the process, feelings will get generated from the inside gradually. This is cultivation, cultivation of an emotion,
a feeling from the inside. However, I need to sustain the feeling/emotion too,
to fill my being completely, to feel it fully.
If, for
example, I am seeking intimacy, then how can I generate this feeling from my
own being? One of the ways is to engage myself in those thoughts and actions
that brings me closer to my intimate- self, for example, pursue those interest
area/s where I lose track of time-space
pleasantly, do all those things that I enhance my own value in my eyes, keep those
thoughts that appreciate me, my presence, my being. I would laugh more, feel
light in my body more, I would connect with myself more intimately, love myself
more, accept myself more- all those parts that I have shunned. I would reveal
more of me to me and choose to honour my ‘perfections’ and ‘imperfections’ and
everything else ‘in-between’. I will cultivate humor and respect for myself,
get intimate with me like never before.
In
generating feelings from inside, I cultivate and connect to intimate- me which I
was hungrily search outside. In the
process, was feeling depleted & powerless-
subject to others’ moods, thoughts and circumstances, but in Self, I find my
power back. Isn’t that beautiful and
worthwhile self-work?
-ends
